I need prayer...I am in a lot of pain (really in every way possible). My mind isn't super sharp anymore...not sure if it's my age or the lyme disease. :-) I ache for all that I am missing with sweet Eliana. Every single day I can tell she's growing more and more...and I am failing her. This disease has stolen so many days already. I want to be running and playing with her...but I am just stuck watching her play from the couch. I blame myself for her not even being able to say her alphabet. I am isolated...I am afraid...I am depressed...I am in pain...I am hurting...I am sad...I feel like I'm losing this battle. So, there you have it. The Lord says he won't give us more than we can handle...and I feel kind of close to the limit. I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror I've gained so much weight...I run from cameras. I watch t.v. to distract from the pain in my feet. I look forward to Fridays because Chris can be an amazing dad to Eliana all weekend. Lyme disease is called "The Great Imposter" because it mimics so many diseases. It's true. One day I will think I am going to die of the depression and then the next day realize that lyme messes with my brain and is probably causing the depression. The fatigue is paralyzing...I could sleep for 5 days straight and still feel like I've pulled an all-nighter. And for some reason, my feet have been KILLING me!! I don't even want to walk on them. THIS IS NOT ME!!! THIS IS NOT WHO GOD MADE ME TO BE!!! I can post cute pictures of Eliana on facebook and tell the world how proud I am of my husband on facebook but really I'm falling apart. I'm not even sure if anyone reads this, but I'm not trying to beat myself up...I just need to vent. Thanks for your prayers.
Love,
Lindsey
